**** Michelangelo and the Pope                    ****
**** from Monty Python live at the Hollywood Bowl **** 

Herald: Michaelangelo to see you, your Holiness.
Pope: Who?
Herald: Michaelangelo, the famous Rennisance artist, whose best known
   works include the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and the celebrated
   statue of David.
Pope: Very well.
Herald: In 1514 he returned to Florence, and then
Pope: Alright, that's enough, that's enough. They've got it now.
Herald: Oh.
Michaelengelo: Good evening, your holiness.
Pope: Evening Michaelangelo.  I want to have a word with you about this
   painting of yours.
Michaelangelo: Oh yeah?
Pope: I'm not happy about it.
Michaelangelo: Oh dear.  It took me an hour.
Pope: Not happy at all.
M. Is it the jello you don't like?
Pope: Nope.
Michaelangelo: They do add a bit of color, don't they.  Oh, I know. You
don't like the kangaroo.
Pope: What kangaroo?
Michaelangelo: No problem.  I'll paint him out.
Pope: I never saw a kangaroo.
Michaelangelo: Err, he's right at the back.  I'll paint him out, no sweat.
   I'll make him into a Disciple.
Pope: Ah.
M. Alright.
Pope: That's the problem.
M. What is?
Pope: The Disciples.
M. Are they too Jewish?  I made Judas the most Jewish.
Pope: No, it's just that there are twenty-eight of them.
Michaelangelo: Oh, well, another one will never matter then. I'll make
   the kangaroo into another one.
Pope: No, that's not the point.
Michaelangelo: Alright. Well, I'll lose the kangaroo.  To be honest, I
   wasn't perfectly happy with it.
Pope: That's not the point. There are TWENTY-EIGHT Disciples.
Michaelangelo: Too many?
Pope: Well of course it's too many!
Michaelangelo: Yeah, I know that, but I wanted to give the impression of
   a real Last Supper. You know, not just any old last supper, kind of
   like a last meal or a finalsnack. But, you know, I wanted to give the
   impression of a real mother of a blowout, you know.
Pope: There were only twelve Disciples at the Last Supper.
Michaelangelo: Well maybe some of the other ones came along.
Pope: There were only twelve altogether.
Michaelangelo: Well maybe some of their friends came by, you know.
Pope: Look, there were just twelve Disciples and Our Lord at the Last
   Supper. The Bible clearly says so.
Michaelangelo: No friends?
Pope: No friends.
Michaelangelo: Waiters?
Pope: No.
Michaelangelo: Cabaret!
P. No!
Michaelangelo: You see, I like them, they help to flesh out the scene.
   I could lose a few, you know...
Pope: Look, there were only twelve Disciples at...
Michaelangelo: I've got it! I've got it! We'll call it the last but
   one supper.
Pope: What?
M; Well, there must have been one. If there was a last one, there must
   have been a one before that. So this is the Pentultimate Supper! The
   Bible doesn't say how many people were there, now does it?
Pope: No...
Michaelangelo: Well there you are then!
Pope: Well look, the Last Supper is a significant event in the life of
   Our Lord! The Pentultimate Supper was not.  Even if they had a
   Conjuror and a Mariachi(sp?) band. Now a Last Supper I commissioned
   from you, and a Last Supper I want! With twelve Disciples and one
Michaelangelo: One?
Pope: Yes, one! Now will you please tell me what in God's Name possessed
   you to paint this with three Christs in it?
Michaelangelo: It works, mate!
Pope: Works?
Michaelangelo: Yeah! It looks great! The fat one balances the two skinny
Pope: There was only one Redeemer!
Michaelangelo: I know that, we all know that.  What about a bit of
   artistic licensce?
Pope: Well one Messiah is what I want!
Michaelangelo: I'll tell you what you want mate, you want a bloody
   photographer, that's what you want.  Not a bloody great artist...
Pope: (Leaps out of his seat) I'll tell you what I want! I want a Last
   Supper with one Christ, twelve Disciples, no kangaroos, no trampoline
   acts, by Thursday lunch, or you don't get paid!
Michaelangelo: Bloody fascist!
Pope: Look, I'm the bloody Pope, I am!  May not no much about Art, but
   I know what I like!
jspencer@world.std.com     * Jeffrey Spencer, Dartmouth '91