**** Michelangelo and the Pope **** **** from Monty Python live at the Hollywood Bowl **** Herald: Michaelangelo to see you, your Holiness. Pope: Who? Herald: Michaelangelo, the famous Rennisance artist, whose best known works include the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and the celebrated statue of David. Pope: Very well. Herald: In 1514 he returned to Florence, and then Pope: Alright, that's enough, that's enough. They've got it now. Herald: Oh. Michaelengelo: Good evening, your holiness. Pope: Evening Michaelangelo. I want to have a word with you about this painting of yours. Michaelangelo: Oh yeah? Pope: I'm not happy about it. Michaelangelo: Oh dear. It took me an hour. Pope: Not happy at all. M. Is it the jello you don't like? Pope: Nope. Michaelangelo: They do add a bit of color, don't they. Oh, I know. You don't like the kangaroo. Pope: What kangaroo? Michaelangelo: No problem. I'll paint him out. Pope: I never saw a kangaroo. Michaelangelo: Err, he's right at the back. I'll paint him out, no sweat. I'll make him into a Disciple. Pope: Ah. M. Alright. Pope: That's the problem. M. What is? Pope: The Disciples. M. Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish. Pope: No, it's just that there are twenty-eight of them. Michaelangelo: Oh, well, another one will never matter then. I'll make the kangaroo into another one. Pope: No, that's not the point. Michaelangelo: Alright. Well, I'll lose the kangaroo. To be honest, I wasn't perfectly happy with it. Pope: That's not the point. There are TWENTY-EIGHT Disciples. Michaelangelo: Too many? Pope: Well of course it's too many! Michaelangelo: Yeah, I know that, but I wanted to give the impression of a real Last Supper. You know, not just any old last supper, kind of like a last meal or a finalsnack. But, you know, I wanted to give the impression of a real mother of a blowout, you know. Pope: There were only twelve Disciples at the Last Supper. Michaelangelo: Well maybe some of the other ones came along. Pope: There were only twelve altogether. Michaelangelo: Well maybe some of their friends came by, you know. Pope: Look, there were just twelve Disciples and Our Lord at the Last Supper. The Bible clearly says so. Michaelangelo: No friends? Pope: No friends. Michaelangelo: Waiters? Pope: No. Michaelangelo: Cabaret! P. No! Michaelangelo: You see, I like them, they help to flesh out the scene. I could lose a few, you know... Pope: Look, there were only twelve Disciples at... Michaelangelo: I've got it! I've got it! We'll call it the last but one supper. Pope: What? M; Well, there must have been one. If there was a last one, there must have been a one before that. So this is the Pentultimate Supper! The Bible doesn't say how many people were there, now does it? Pope: No... Michaelangelo: Well there you are then! Pope: Well look, the Last Supper is a significant event in the life of Our Lord! The Pentultimate Supper was not. Even if they had a Conjuror and a Mariachi(sp?) band. Now a Last Supper I commissioned from you, and a Last Supper I want! With twelve Disciples and one Christ! Michaelangelo: One? Pope: Yes, one! Now will you please tell me what in God's Name possessed you to paint this with three Christs in it? Michaelangelo: It works, mate! Pope: Works? Michaelangelo: Yeah! It looks great! The fat one balances the two skinny ones. Pope: There was only one Redeemer! Michaelangelo: I know that, we all know that. What about a bit of artistic licensce? Pope: Well one Messiah is what I want! Michaelangelo: I'll tell you what you want mate, you want a bloody photographer, that's what you want. Not a bloody great artist... Pope: (Leaps out of his seat) I'll tell you what I want! I want a Last Supper with one Christ, twelve Disciples, no kangaroos, no trampoline acts, by Thursday lunch, or you don't get paid! Michaelangelo: Bloody fascist! Pope: Look, I'm the bloody Pope, I am! May not no much about Art, but I know what I like! -- jspencer@world.std.com * Jeffrey Spencer, Dartmouth '91